I’m A Baldwin Too!

I have compiled a list of some of the lesser known Baldwin kin, and their special powers/biographies.

Name: Melissa Joan-Hart-Baldwin

Superpower: She is a witch and the only girl whose second floor window you can break into without having her calling the cops.

Weakness: Name Hyphenation. C’mon, make a decision.

Bio: She is the Youngest Baldwin and keeps in touch with Alec the most, as Stephen doesn’t believe in witchcraft or sorcery.






Name: 50 Cent Baldwin

Superpower: Bullet Proof

Weakness: White Bitches.

Bio: 50 cent Baldwin came to be when Mama Baldwin got it on with a mystery member of Earth Wind and Fire at the second-night Passover Seder party held at Studio 54 in 1979. His inane sense of fashion and killer dance moves places him at the head of the Baldwin pack, though he did concede a game of limbo to Billy, a fact that Billy constantly brags about at family gatherings.




Name: Britney Spears Baldwin

Superpower: She can do more blow in one sitting than Daniel Baldwin.

Weakness: Has flashed her dick in public more that Stephen Baldwin.

Bio: Was originally disregarded at the Baldwin with Down syndrome. She was originally cast as Benicio Del Toro’s role in the usual suspects, but Stephen didn’t want his little sis hanging around the set and trying to have children with Kaiser Soze, a fact that would have brought great shame upon the Baldwin Klan.





Name: Stephen Hawking Baldwin

Super Power: Only Baldwin who consistently brings it home while playing in the Annual Baldwin family Boggle Tournament.

Weakness: Stairs.

Bio: Is the other half that makes up the magical entity that is known as Stephen Baldwin. Little known fact about Stephen Hawking Baldwin, he can freestyle much better than 50 Cent Baldwin though his efforts for a solo career have been generally panned by critics due to his consistently week beats.